Welcome back to F*ckboy Island.
They love to chase, they love to ghost and give off major Dennis the Menace vibes.
But when it comes down to it, the best group chats with your gals are the ones that include a low down on the latest f*ckboy dipping in and out of your life.
It's why we love them.
From the spiritual f*ckboy to the flirty f*ckboy, we took a trip down the "been there, done that" lane last week,
But since the portfolio of f*ckboy personalities is so extensive, we are back with another five types who don't deserve the time of day.
Obviously we give it to them anyway because it's great for the plot.
So without further ado…
They love to make jokes about girls who believe in astrology and won't hesitate to mansplain crypto to you.
Their sleeping schedule is absolutely cooked because they stay up super late to study market trends.
Which is good in a way because the 1am text isn't because they're drunk, just finished doing crypto boy things.
When you talk about the gorgeous new pair of boots you just brought, they will tell you, "babe, instead of spending money on empty pleasure, invest in bitcoin", and when you ask what an NFT is, they look at you like you've got three heads.
Respect the drip.
They will play an album of DNB on your first date and tell you every single song sounds different.
These lads created the mantra "Saturdays are for the boys" and keep the festi world afloat with their dedication to the sesh.
You lowered your standards for this fluro-matching set wearing man because you thought he was funny - and he went down on you for a long time.
But you later found out it's because he couldn't stop moving his jaw thanks to all the ketamine he had inhaled in the porta-loo.
The festi f*ckboy is the best person to bang during summer,
But by winter, he's having a major menty-b because he doesn't know who he is when he isn't wearing sunglasses at midnight and head banging in the middle of a mosh pit.
"No, babe, I already told you I can't spend this weekend with you. It's opening weekend for duck shooting. I'm obviously going to the maimi."
This breed of f*ckboy isn't really a f*ckboy, he's just too busy following his "male instincts" to spend any time with you.
He owns a Toyota Hilux accessorised with over-the-top spotlights and looks like it hasn't been through the car wash since he brought it.
His Instagram is full of pictures of him with dead deer, ducks, fish and pigs - which he thinks is VERY impressive, and he has a "man cave" in his house where he keeps deer antlers.
He only ever shops at Swanndri or Hunting & Fishing and drinks a full crate of Speights every weekend.
He's got the car, the suit, and he can talk the talk. The only thing he doesn't have is a job.
He likely has rich parents - one of which had a multimillion-dollar idea at his age and rode the wave to success, encouraging him to do the same.
He studied business at uni and once created a dating app - but only 10 people downloaded it, so now he opens his laptop twice a week in a co-working space and "networks" at the bar every night.
He surrounds himself with people who he thinks are less accomplished than him, and if you ever get a promotion at work?
Prepare to be ghosted.
Nice Guy F*ckboy
At first, he melts your heart with his "I'm so nice" attitude, but then the red flag starts to show and when they start coming, they don't stop coming.
The nice guy f*ckboy will make it very clear on your first or second date that they aren't like other guys - what they forget to mention is they are much worse.
These lads are harder to spot than your drunkest friend on a night out because you are so overwhelmed by how great they are.
They say the right things, listen at the right times, spend Sundays with "mummy", and genuinely respect women, but the f*ckboy is hiding in everything they don't say,
Like despite acting like he's ready to lock it down and be your forever boo thang, he isn't.
He just wants to f*ck.