Picture this: it’s Christmas Day, you’ve dressed up in your best gear just to walk around the house all day.
You spent your last pay cheque on gifts for everyone and you’re severely hungover from wine with your bestie last night.
But it all feels worth it because the honey-glazed ham in the oven smells delicious and you’re about to have a breakfast mimosa.
What could possibly ruin this day?
Absolutely nothing…. Until Grandma asks the question all singles dread the most.
“So are you seeing anyone?”
Instead of bursting into tears and telling her your situationship with Ryan came to an end because he gave you the ick when he held his nose before going underwater, try these alternatives:
1. Idk, ask my ex
It’s a risk with this one but a funny one at that. G-Ma may feel the need to pry and ask why you broke up or she could be so taken aback by the reply she scurries off to find your less intimidating, less straight-up cousin.
2. I’m not single, I just couldn’t decide which bf to bring
Say this to your very cool aunt and uncle. Chances are they will want a full debrief on each bf meaning this is your time to shine baby, bring the pyramid out.
3. Dad can’t afford to pay my dowry
If your dad is having proper money issues obvs stay away from this one but if not, go off sister. It makes it very clear any follow-up questions will not receive a serious answer.
That and it’s hilarious.
4. Thank you for asking
Then proceed to tell them you’ve diagnosed yourself with anxious attachment because a TikTok listed off a bunch of identifiers and you related to at least two of them so it must be correct.
5. Why aren’t you single?
Remember when you and Anna broke up, Graham? Remember how much fun you had! It was your hot girl summer, beers with the boys whenever you wanted, a Bach pad AND that red convertible.
I know you’d relive that if you could.
6. Why? Do you have someone you can set me up with?
In this world, beggars can’t be choosers. If G-ma found a person your age who is really nice to them and landed a five-star review with their manners alone, it could be worth a blind date.
It’s all for the plot anyway.
7. My last partner didn’t like using vibrators so I broke up with them
Is this TMI for a family member? Perhaps. Will it make them uncomfortable? Most likely. But, will it change the conversation topic immediately? Yes.
Protect your peace, girl.
8. I’m focusing on my career
For all my career girlies out here, there is absolutely no shame in admitting your priorities lie with being the best you can be at your job. And if anyone even thinks about making you feel bad about it, you know what to do.
Start a feminist argument.
9. Tell them you didn’t want to waste money on a present for someone else
Carrie Bradshaw liked her money where she could see it: in her closet. And it’s okay if you do as well. It’s also okay to use that line even if it’s not the actual reason you didn’t bring someone to Christmas.
10. I’m happy being single
Short, sharp and to the point. You don’t need to justify it girl. Being single is a vibe, it’s fun, it’s exciting and if all your friends are single as well, it’s one of the best times of your life. Embrace it.
By Lillie Rohan.