FREE EXPRESS Shipping | AFTERPAY | Discreet Packaging

The Perfect Rebound

The Perfect Rebound

If we can learn anything from Ms Kimberly Kardashian, it’s not how to work, but instead how to rebound.

The reality tv queen really saw a tall, lanky, semi-funny white guy and (assumedly) said, “yes, get in my bed” and it’s a mood I’m ready to embody for when it comes to rebound town there is one important rule, your rebound is not for keepsakes, they are for the plot.

Post-break-up, your ego may be bruised, your heart may be broken and your smile may be a little duller but you are still an absolute catch of a human being and you need someone to remind you of that. So feed your inner Casanova and find the lightness in dating again with an anything but serious lover.

Here’s how to do it:

1. Let your lust guide you through this rebound

It goes without saying that a great rebound is not with the "kind of cute" person, a great rebound is with the "wet panties as soon as you see them" person.

Let your lust guide you through this large and in charge time of your life. Slip into your favourite dress and swipe some red lipstick on your lush lips, you'll not only feel better but the law of the universe is you attract what you project, so if you look hot, you'll find hot.

2. They can’t be a carbon copy of your ex

Your ex was six foot (5'9 on a good day) with blonde hair, could hold an intellectual conversation and played competitive sport every day. Your rebound guy is 6'5, doesn't know how to spell education and only cares about babes, protein shakes and tans.

He is perfect. Hooking up with someone who looks and acts like your ex only opens the door for awkward moments when you accidentally call them by the wrong name and let's be real, you’ll likely transfer feelings into this new fling which is just confusing for everyone.

3. Don't hook up with your co-worker

Yeah, I know, it’s really tempting. They’re compassionate, they are assertive and the thought of sneaking into the board room for a quick smooching sesh is enough to make anybody’s fanny flutter but do not, and I mean it, DO NOT, let one of your co-workers seduce you with their trouser snake.

Not only do work environments thrive on gossip but once your cloudy lusty judgement has passed and you’re back to your confident, sexy self, you’ll have to see them every day. Are you ready to commit to that? Didn’t think so.

4. Don't hook up with the 'I want a relationship' person

I'm an astrology/crystal gal which means I'm a firm believer in if it's meant to be it will. So if you and your sneaky link decided you want to graduate from careless bumpy cuddles to boo thang bumpy cuddles I truly will not judge. But in the essence of being unattached, you're not allowed to intentionally rebound with a lad that is desperate for a relationship. You will hurt him and that's not what this is about.

5. Keep it casual

Somewhere between the blow job tug of war and the “okay, I’ll text you next time I’m horny” chat, you realise you don’t know anything about this person. Do not freak out, all this means is that you are definitely in a rebound situationship and the mystery surrounding their vocation, family life and last name is going to add to the hotness of it.

If you are currently going through a breakup, I’m sorry. They suck but with every crappy situation there is a silver lining and this one is that despite all the confusing feelings, breakups allow room for a growth period, they allow you to be really selfish with your time and energy so you can figure out what truly makes you happy.

Enjoy it. Make the most of it and remember to put yourself first.

— by Lillie Rohan.