The world of casual sex and casual dating is based on two things:
- Humour, because if you don't laugh, you'll cry and
- Your hotation, a list of boo thangs you have collected over the years who you call on for different reasons - it's like Taylor Swift's iconic girl gang, but instead of using them for music videos, you hook up with them.
I haven't thought about the hotation for a while, but then the "you remind me of a Sunday" trend happened on TikTok, and once I finished crying about the incredibly sweet concept, I decided it was only fair we categorise the types of hookups according to week days.
So, GGO babes, from the person you would happily let meet your mum to the one you wouldn't even let meet your flatties, here is a breakdown of the hotation according to weekdays.
Monday: The One That Got Away
They could message you any time of the day, morning, night, during a work meeting, and you would immediately jump to your feet and run to them with the same determination as Bella when Edward was about to expose his sparkly skin to the whole world. Phew, I'm puffing just thinking about it. Monday's are usually for coming home, having a whinge about work and pouring a pink wine, but you'd happily exchange that for a date with the one you can't help but think of when Chainsmokers' 'Closer' comes on.
Tuesday: Bargain Bin
You're getting Debby despo and are seriously considering humping your pillow just to feel something other than your vibe, but then the semi sexy lad slips into your dm's. You've been there once before, know their finger banging game isn't the greatest, but it's a Tuesday, and you want to bang. Beggars can't be choosers.
Wednesday: Hump Day Treat
Welcome to the mid-week pick me up. They aren't a serious lover, and you find yourself dancing on a tightrope. A fall to the left results in the ick, and a fall to the right results in full-blown love. What will it be today? You're ready to dance with the devil.
Thursday: Tinder Date
The dating app chat has gone on far too long, and it's finally time to meet this person IRL, or maybe it's your second or third date. The point is you put effort into this one. You allude to your work bestie/hype girl that a hot date is about to go down and promise to share all the dirty deets tomorrow. The red lippy is on, the sexy fit is on point, you've checked yourself out in the mirror a good five times, and you're ready to blow their mind with your pre-prepared ice breakers.
Friday: Long Distance Lover
This one sneaks up quietly, like a lion in the wild. You were minding your own business at work drinks when suddenly a reply to your Instagram story pops up. A small smile creeps across your lips. You live cities apart and never really dated - unless you count the elaborate relationship you made up in your head. But you know they will be appearing on FaceTime later tonight for a sexy catch-up.
Saturday: Sneaky Link
You already know who it is—your favourite sneaky link. You'd almost die if you saw them in broad daylight and surprisingly feel nothing when you walk into the bar and see them locking lips with someone that isn't you, but despite the "you deserve better" chats from your pals, you go there anyway. They know your body almost better than you do, and that's enough to ignore their d-floor hookup and answer their 2 am text.
Sunday: Tryna Meet Your Mum
Sorry…. Daddy? Sorry…. It's unbelievable how many times you've gotten lost in their eyes. They take you out for brunch and make you proper laugh with their good jokes and cute pickup lines, and when you drive home, their hand sits comfortably on your thigh *swoon*. Later they wrap their arms around you and whisper sweet nothings in your ear as you two blob out watching a movie - except instead of watching the movie, you snog and joke about your future. Yes, mum would approve of this one.
– By Lillie Rohan.