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Your Guide To Initiating With A Lover

Your Guide To Initiating With A Lover

So you're feeling freaky deaky and want to try it on with your boo thang but aren't sure how?

I'll be the first to admit that initiating sex can be a scary experience, especially when you're used to being in bed with lads who grab your hand and guide it to their trouser snake so you never have to make the first move but it is 2022, the year of sex and in the essence of making the most of this sexy year it is time for us shy gals to find our own way to the trouser snake or cave of wonders (vag) and live life with the confidence of the genius who created “Netflix and chill”.

If you and your partner both value sex and see it as an important part of intimacy, it’s safe to assume it's a priority in your relationship and frankly, I’m all for it but it shouldn't always fall on one person to initiate the bumpy cuddles because it could lead to a bunch of both positive and negative feelings. 

If you’re the one constantly doing the initiating you might feel your partner doesn’t desire you and if you are constantly being asked for sex you might feel like other aspects of your relationship are suffering so it’s important to find a middle ground and you can do this by starting with communication. 

Despite being the goddess you are there will come a time when your partner isn't in the mood and your advances are met with a hard no. To prevent falling into the “omg my relationship is over” doom spiral, keep the communication lines open. Chances are it’s not as bad as you think it is and they will tell you they just ate a family-sized butter chicken so while they would love to worship your body, they quite literally cannot leave the couch - or something along those lines.

Now let's get down to business with all the ways you can kick off a raunchy moment with your lover. 

  1. The build up method. Remember when you first started dating your lover and you had to hide every text from wandering eyes because it was an explicit back and forth between two incredibly horny people and when you finally saw each other the clothes were off before you could even say hello? Channel this hot girl energy. Send them a text during the day to get their heart rate and imagination going. You can tell them you just brought new lingerie or that you have had the longest day and the only thing in the world that can make it better is a hot, steamy shower together when you get home. Anticipation is your best friend.
  2. The hot girl nighttime routine. Do you know why lingerie was created? Not only to free women from those god awful restrictive corsets but to be visually appealing and that’s exactly what you’re going to use it for. Light a candle, dim the lights and whip off your dressing gown to reveal your jaw-dropping lacy lingerie set. They will soon get the hint that sleep is off the table but if they're up for extracurricular activities, it's fair play. 
  3. The snogging sesh. Got a bit of free time on your hands and notice your partner looking like a 10/10? Turn a gentle peck into a full-on high school style snogging session. Things will go from sweet and innocent to hot and heavy within moments. If you are a big foreplay fan make the most of your steamy make out or let them know you have R-rated intentions by roaming your hands all over their body. 
  4. Netflix and chill. If Fifty Shades of Grey and Netflix's 365 Days did anything it created a world full of horny viewers. Sit down and watch a too hot to handle flick together, when the saucy moments fill your screen simply lean over and whisper to your partner you’re in the mood or if you’re feeling really frisky tell them you want to try a certain sex position or a red room toy next time you’re in the boudoir. 
  5. Plain and simple. Ask for what you want. You are the creator of your own destiny so grab it with both hands and venture into the land of trouser snakes or wondrous caves and don’t look back. While outright asking for what you want may seem daunting, there is something so freeing about letting your partner know what you need and once you start, it's hard to stop.

Most importantly lovers, however you go about indicating your sexual needs make sure your partner is just as into it as you are because if it's not a f*** yeah, it's a f*** no. 

— Lillie Rohan