You need to start scheduling sex.
I know it sounds like more of a passion killer than stopping mid-make out to pop on a condom but what if it’s the complete opposite?
What if it’s the thing that could transform your sex life from “yeah, I like having sex with you”, to “I can’t keep my hands off you”?
Personally, I scoffed at the idea. I’ve never been one to check my Google calendar and add in a sex appointment the same way I would with a gym class or lunch with friends.
It’s just not my journey. My entire life is in my calendar.
The last thing I want to start doing is asking my boyfriend if 8 pm on Wednesday works for him or do we just get a bit unhinged and bang the bedroom bongos on Saturday morning 20 minutes before brunch with the family?
I see the vision, and I respect the vision but should I lean into my Type A personality that much? I don’t know. It feels excessive.
Of course, then I read an article about it, got curious, decided to try it out and my Type A brain cells got so tingly it could only mean one thing. Scheduling sex is the slice of cake you must try this year.
But before you blindly follow my lead, what are the pros?
For all my long-term relo girlies, hi, how are you? How’s your sex life?
I know some of you are thriving right now and perhaps the sex is exactly what it’s always been. Hot, spicy and full of big-O’s (I’m jealous).
But for some of you, it might feel like it’s in its flop era which is why you simply must try out the sex schedule.
Anyone in a long-term relationship knows all too well how easy it is to feel the car door accidentally close on your butt making you realise you haven’t had sex for 102 days. Kids, work, friends, the dog’s 15 vet appointments, it’s tiring. You barely get a minute to yourself let alone a minute to partake in sack athletics.
So, pick up your phone. Send your partner a “hey boo, miss u & ur magic fingers. Let’s get freaky together” calendar invite.
Just don’t send it to their work calendar because while we all love a bit of cheeky NSFW content, that could be the line you don’t want to cross.
Another pro comes in the form of, yup, you guessed it. Foreplay.
Some 10/10 sexpert said foreplay begins the minute your last saucy rendezvous finishes and honestly, where is the lie?
Between the sex flashbacks and trips to the lingerie store, it’s very easy to get excited about your next bedroom moment and scheduling sex only helps with this.
When you know you’ve got a hot date with your lover planned you can put in a little bit more effort than if it’s spontaneous. Think a matching set, freshly washed hair, and excited -yet nervous – energy.
Whatever helps you feel sexy, you can pre-plan and add it to your day so you feel like the world’s sexiest minx.
Finally, and perhaps the most convincing pro, if you book in sex, you get the chance to talk about any new sexual activities you want to try.
Maybe you’re ready to try out the back door or par-take in role-play, maybe you want to bring toys into the mix.
By verbalising and knowing when you will have your next sexual rendezvous with your partner, you can both research the act you want to try and have open communication before it happens instead of feeling like it was sprung on you/them.
Booking in bumpy cuddles is a fun new way to spice up your sex life, but it doesn’t mean you ONLY have to have scheduled sex.
Have it whenever the moment calls for it. This could just be a way to escape a rut or shake up your routine.
And remember, if you get to the sex appointment and you and your partner aren’t in the mood, you do not have to proceed. Consent is still the most important part of intimacy.
- By Lillie Rohan